T r a n s f o r m a t i o n

The phoenix is a mythical bird, an enduring symbol of death and resurrection. Rising up out of the flames.

The lotus flower is a symbol of spiritual purity, rooted in muddy waters and blossoming radiantly and unstained above. An open blossom signifies full enlightenment; a closed blossom signifies the potential for enlightenment that lies within us all.

The most life changing moment of my life was the nexus for these two paths of transformation.

I tell this story, not to add to the memoirs of human suffering. But because it is a journey out of suffering.

There are things you can do. There are ways you can create a life of joy. There are paths to healing and to great love.

I've travelled some of them.

This was how it began for me...

It's 20 years later and I still vividly remember the granny smith apple.

I remember it, because in the days and weeks after my accident, doctors and rehab therapists continued to ask "what do you remember?" So my brain imprinted the memory of the apple while other essential memories -- like how to read and who I loved -- slipped away.

10 minutes after finishing that apple, back in my preschool classroom, I hit my head and my life followed it's karmic trajectory to a sudden traumatic death, a slow rebirth, and ultimately, an impulse to blossom.

In the emergency room, my head was so excruciatingly painful, I wondered why I wasn't screaming out loud. Groups of doctors shuffled in and out, mumbling amongst themselves and looking very worried. They didn't talk to me. They treated me as if I wasn't there.

Maybe I wasn't.

I was in a free fall down a long dark tunnel. With sudden clarity I realized, my brain is dying. I am dying. I am falling and no one will follow me where I am going. No one will save me.

It was night. They had moved my gurney into a hallway, just outside the cat-scan room. I remember looking down, seeing my body far below. All alone in a dimly lit hallway. Covered by a flimsy blanket. Not moving.

Just beyond was a visionary near death experience, 7 years of hospital rehabilitation, loss, despair, poverty, hope, healing shaman, Tibetan yogis, and great love. But I didn't know any of that in the most life changing moment of my life.