(blog formerly know as) Luminous Heart

Wheel of Time

This may well be my last post for a few weeks. The hotel has internet facilities, so I'll have the option of posting and blog-visiting. But I'll have to wait and see.

Thanks to all you well-wishers. And special thanks to those of you who are helping sponsor my practice.

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Many small details to settle before leaving Friday. At the same time, I feel I am moving into some kind of synchronicity with the Kalachakra. Entering a strange space where putting words together to make sentences is difficult. I can't tell if what I'm writing here is comprehensible or not, but will keep going with this. If only for my own memories.

What's making language difficult is a felt sense of BEING a mandala in motion. It's sort of the feeling you get after being on a boat or a long flight. The sensation of movement is still inside you, even though your're on solid land. That's how the mandala is rolling in me. (It's mostly beautiful, but I confess it's making me a little nauseous.)

Most of you have seen mandala images. What you may not know is they only look one dimensional. They are actually flattened representations of multi-dimensional reality. The Kalachakra itself is taught through the gradual building of a sand mandala, a memnonic device to learn the multiple layers of the Kalachakra universe and the complex visualizations that go with it.

Two years ago, when I was hoping to attend the Kalachakra held in Graz, Austria, I visited their website and was entranced by a computer animation of the Kalachakra mandala. When I returned to the site a few days later, I discovered that the page that had held me in such rapture was NOT animated. There was an animated page, but it was not the one I had loved so much.

Somehow the animation -- some level of comprehension -- was in me. Or something I could connect to. That connection is asserting itself again, now. And I am filled with wonder.

This is how I live in the world. This is how I want to live in the world. Connected to things greater than me, beyond my cognitive comprehension, vast, mystical, beautiful. Real. And somehow, being a part of it.

Karmic Blessings -- Kalachakra 2004

The time is flying and soon I'll be on my way to Toronto, Canada for the Kalachakra. I have lists. All my tickets. Reservations. And plans to meet Wendy the day I arrive.

This is the first time I will be in the presence of the Dalai Lama and I am excited to have this opportunity. Imagine being in a room with 5000 people, whose minds and hearts and will are all turning in the same direction -- to World Peace. Then imagine receiving 11 days of teachings and initiation from this man, who is viewed as the emanation of the Buddha of Compassion.

The Dalai Lama carries the thread (tantra) from all those who have given this Kalachakra initiation before him. And he will be passing that thread on to us. In addition, we receive the actual initiation (after days of prayers and teachings) on May 4th, the same day the historical Buddha Shakyamuni gave the original Kalachakra. Also, there is a total lunar eclipse on the 4th. This is considered a very auspicious sign.

If you would like, you can share in these blessings, too. In the Tibetan Buddhist tradition any benefactor who provides support gains the same karmic blessings as if they had received the initiation themselves. The amount is not important. By making a heart-centered gift in support of my practice, you gain the full blessings of the Kalachakra. It's not as if you make a $5 donation and receive $5 worth of blessings. Any amount you give receives the full blessing (and my gratitude.)

Any level of support is greatly appreciated. But I do have some special "thank you" gifts:

• For donations of $21 or more -- A Tibetan crystal from my personal collection. These are slender quartz crystals, 2 to 3 inches long. Some have chips and dings, but they all have a healing energy vibration that is unique to Tibetan crystals.


• For donations of $108 or more -- A 108 - bead mala (prayerbeads) made (by me) in a sacred process of blessings, chants and prayers. The beads are wooden, with semi-precious stone divider beads. The central "Guru" bead is a circular-shaped crystal configuration. These crystals seem to match the mystical space I enter when I meditate, so I am pleased to have some for these malas.

I debated for a long time whether I should invite donations on this blog. But so many people arrive through searches for Toronto, Kalachakra 2004. And I thought some of them / you might want to participate in the blessing even if you are not attending this time. Also, there are some of you I've come to know, who I consider friends and who are making inner journeys. And I just want to say I believe in the karmic blessings that are being offered here. If you would like to share in them, an exchange of your money-energy for my effort-energy is a wonderful way to make this real, that benefits us both.

Finally. While financial donations help me cover the many expenses of travel, food & lodging, and the teachings themselves -- your prayers on my behalf are also extremely valuable. This is an enormous initiation to undertake and my disability adds another layer of challange. I especially welcome prayers of gratitude that everything has gone smoothly, my energy has remained strong, I have received the fullest possible blessing of the Kalachakra initiation, and I am able to transmit these blessings to benefit others.

[Addendum: The Paypal button is adding a shipping fee (probably because it's added to my jewelry.) There IS no shipping fee for any of you dear souls who are kind enough to make a donation. If I can't fix the button, I'll refund your shipping charges.]

Blue Moon Blogging Update

When I set up my blog mailing list, Chantlady wrote to let me know about a service that keeps you updated on everyone's new posts. Bloglines. I finally checked it out and it looks great. I haven't spent much time on it yet, but it seems easy to use. It will sure be less cumbersome than my keeping a mailing list. AND I will be able to keep tabs on the rest of you, too.

So good-bye one-more-thing-to-do mailing list. Hello bloglines.

By the way, according to Michelle who writes an astrological newsletter... April 19th brings the second New Moon in Aries making it a Blue New Moon. This New Moon is also a Solar Eclipse, a potent moment in cosmic time. The eclipse happens at 9:22 am EDT.

The Power of Compassion

"Compassion brings us an inner strength. Once it is developed, it naturally opens an inner door, through which we can communicate with fellow human beings, and even other sentient beings, with ease, and from heart to heart."

--His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet --
from the introduction to The Power of Compassion, Public Talk for Toronto
Sunday, April 25, 2004

Warrior

There's a wonderful expression in Buddhism, skillfull means.

I have to say, I've been feeling highly unskilled in my practice, since just walking into my meditation room is enough to bring on rib-wracking sobs. (For the most part, I'm to managing to maintain emotional self-control the rest of the time.)

"...feeling emotional upheaval is not a spiritual faux pas; it's the place where the warrior learns compassion."
—Pema Chödrön

Thanks for the quote Nicole. It does seem to be true. At least, I can choose to guide my upheavals in this direction.

World Tears

I have been crying ever since I woke up this morning. The tears are coming from a deep place, and they're unstoppable.

Being something of an empath (!) I've learned to ask if these belong to me. If this is my grief. If these are my tears. And they're not. When I ask what this is about, I receive the phrase "World Tears."

Certainly there are enough tears in the world at this very moment to be feeling this way. Also, I am moving closer to the Kalachakra, the teaching and initiation given by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and this may have much to do with what I am experiencing.

The path to Kalachakra 2004 has already been an immense journey. Living with a disability on a very low income is a challanging enough life, but these past few months have been especially harsh. Inner death, dark night of the soul, healing crisis -- those of you on spiritual and transformation paths know what the journey demands of you. I've kept my heart on the Kalachakra and I know these months have deepened my practice and cleared away obstructions for the initiation ahead. I want that. I choose that. But the price has been high.

I leave for the Kalachakra on April 22nd and now that the inner purification seems to be mostly complete, I am moving into my own prayer requests for this intiation -- to be able to grasp these profound teachings, even in some small way. And to deepen my skillfulness in developing the qualities of a bodhisattva.

These world tears may simply be a matter of expanding my own capacity for compassion. Avalokiteshvara (sanskrit. Chenresig in tibetan) the Bodhisattva of Compassion, is frequently pictured with 11 heads and 1000 arms. The story goes that after eons of compassionate work to benefit all beings, he was stunned by how much remained to be done and shattered into pieces. When Buddha put him back together, he gave Chenresig 10 more heads to be able to see in all directions and 1000 arms, so he could give compassionate assistance that much faster.

Maybe I need more heads and arms. Or at least some greater capacity. (Not that I think I am doing this alone, by any means. But I do believe I can be a part of the healing and blessing energy on this planet.) I'm doing my best to just let these tears BE, and hope that peace flows with them.

There is another possibility, and this troubles me, though I am trying to hold this with compassion and detachment, too. If you've been reading my blog you know that just before 9/11/01 and continuing since then, I've been receptive to premonitions surrounding world events. The "field" has been largely quiet for some time. But what I am feeling now, the force of the grief I am feeling, is equal to those premonitions. (In those instances, I was touched by the darkness and the violence. This is not what I am experiencing now.)

Some time ago, I had the opportunity to ask Garchen Rinpoche about premonitions in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. He said they can be gifts from wisdom beings, showing us things that might happen so we can pray and prevent (or ease) their unfolding.

I don't know if these tears are my own raw heart or gifts of wisdom beings. But I'm here with them. And inviting your prayers to hold this precious planet (and all beings) in love and peace.

I guess I'm on the right track

"If you haven't wept deeply, you haven't begun to meditate."

--Achaan Chah (Therevada Buddhist)