Contemplation

From this moment on, with no sense of a loss,
I donate my body, and likewise my wealth,
And my virtues amassed throughout the three times
In order to help all beings, my mothers.

There's a strong part of me (validated by friends who know me well) that believes the place I offer the most benefit is through deep practice and prayer. This is the life of a yogi, an honored title I cannot claim for myself. But it's also the life of a shaman, a title I do claim out of both ability and responsibility.

I'm beginning to struggle again with the knowledge that this work doesn't receive enough of my time. As simplified as my life is, too much energy is taken up by things that don't matter.

Just to let you know, for me that includes a lot of what most people call "life." I've always had a strong contemplative streak. This seems to only have been increased by my head injury. One person's weekend activities would take me months to organize, weeks to complete, and days to recover from. Experiences that are fun for you are overstimulating and exhausting to the point of tears for me. All the more reason to settle into a cave somewhere.

But caves (and monasteries) aren't quite the right fit. Neither is what I have at this moment. And I don't know how to reconcile what calls my heart so insistently with what I have the brain capacity to accomplish.

Comments

[Mary Hennings]

Precisely!
Daily gratitude for simple acconplishments.
Daily gratitude.

[mahala]

Mary --Your name sounds SO familiar. Do I know you somehow?

May 2005 give you endless opportunities to enjoy simple gratitude in every moment!